


The Ashen Pact

by ushauz



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance, F/M, FLARP, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-23 04:37:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/922079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ushauz/pseuds/ushauz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan and Aradia strike an agreement to help each other win the spades of their beloathed and then get distracted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ashen Pact

It went something like this:

CA: ar i swwear if wwe just kneww wwhat the other kneww wwe could havve already seduced our respectivve kismeses  
AA: n0 shit  
AA: ugh vriska is s0 frustrating  
AA: h0w did y0u even get her in the first place  
CA: i think i accidentally smacked her wwith my rifle  
AA: 0u0  
CA: not like that  
AA: 0n0

 

Now you are staring at the awkward boy across from you while his lusus snuffles around outside your hive. He's shorter than you would have suspected, but of course seadwellers have a slower growing rate than your kind, and you suspect his mandible is higher than most males, or at least most landdwelling males you have seen. Not for the first time when you meet a new person, you want to remove the excess tissues from the face to stare at the bone structure underneath.

That would probably fall under the category of "weiird 2hiit you probably 2houldnt mentiion to other2" though, so you refrain from mentioning anything. He's busy scoping out your hive, the piles of documents and bones on the table, a few old rugs thrown here and there, books piled in corners, the heavily extensive cataloging via sophisticated "cardboard boxes" in most free spots...

At least you don't write all over your walls.

You sit cross-legged on a clean spot on the floor, and after taking a moment to find his own clean spot, he sits as well. He's fiddling with his scarf, but he keeps staring at everything (checking exits, calculating window strength, classic FLARPer behavior; you would probably do the same).

"So!" you begin brightly which snaps his attention back to you. "Plan Seduction is ready to start the brainstorming process, hopefully to be completed by the end of the perigee. I think we can both agree from the start is the hardest part of the entire thing is to get either of them to notice us in the first place."

"Yeah cuz right now they are seeming like they are going out of their way to ignore us," he grumbles. "I know FLARPin will probably work with Vris, not clouder versus clouder but actual facial confrontation would get her attention, but that ain't gonna cut it with Sol since he's tryin out to be a professional hermit."

"Maybe if we managed to lure him in right after a nice campaign, one with extra carnage," you suggest and then grin. "Especially if certain rumors are indeed true. He does have this huge feminine kink going on."

"But that's shallow!" he whines. "What, just date me because I like wearing dresses?"

You shrug. "You're the one interested here, and don't get me started on 'shallowness'. Think of it more like using a tactical advantage to recognize you in the first place. He's very good at ignoring things when he wants to. In fact, we probably could combine the two of these, go FLARPing against Vriska, and maybe after a few FLARPing sessions, time frame for making it not look too suspicious, I can arrange to have Sollux at my hive afterwards. That's a good start I think. Just keep rubbing their noses in how hot we both are while covered in viscera."

 

CA: so theres this product for horns  
AA: 0kay n0 i have n0 time f0r h0rns pr0ducts eridan i am n0t that kind 0f tr0ll  
AA: 0\0  
AA: w0w that l00ks stupider than usual what even is that face i have n0 idea strike that fr0m all rec0rds  
CA: no it aint at all bothersome  
CA: and vvris really is a horn gal  
CA: like i am convvinced she dated me for as long as she did because i havve a nice rack and i think betwween the twwo of us wwe can be sure wwho has the evven nicer one  
CA: all it does is accentuate your natural horn coloration makes em pop a bit more  
CA: and i swwear it holds up against rain and blood okay this stuff is great you could probably roll around in a mud pit and it wwould still wwork  
AA: 0n0  
CA: dont givve me that face you wwant vvris to notice you right wwell vvris is a flighty creature wwho happens to notice such things  
CA: besides i havve to wwear dresses for sol so i dont see howw this is any different  
AA: y0u already like wearing dresses th0ugh  
CA: wwell yeah but thats not the point  
AA: that actually is the p0int but whatever  
AA: fine i will try y0ur miracle h0rn product but if this d0esnt w0rk i am making y0u eat it later  
CA: just swwing by my hivve before the campaign starts and wwe can wwork this out

 

"Oh my god she what?" you ask between gasps of breath, trying to fight back the hysterical giggles.

"I kept trying to tell her, the diary can't be completely factual, considering the dates of exactly when the Gambligants died out she couldn't possibly have that kind of ship. You know, only off by three or four hundred sweeps," he says casually.

You are in tears.

"So yeah I didn't exactly push for any more historical drama FLARPin campaigns after that. Too fuckin embarrassed. It took me half a sweep just to recover from that incident, an even then I still have to be careful about which players I FLARP with. And that's why she was acting all haughty and superior about the ships."

You take a nice steadying breath, wiping the tears from your eyes. "Ha. Sounds exactly like this other FLARPer then. Huge asshole." You pause for a moment, catching your breath, and then you decide that this is a pretty good time to test some waters. "He's convinced the Alternian Empire has never once had a major rebellion on account that there's no official records of any happening, and if the official history says we've never had any, then obviously none have ever happened."

"What? Oh come on! Of course the Alternian Empire rewrites history to favor them. That's what conquering empires do, spread propaganda," he says, and you award him a smidgeon more respect for that. "It's blatantly obvious to anyone who really looks because they switched their tactics from ‘oh let's show the entire troll population what we do with rebels’ to ‘what rebels there have never been any rebels go about your merry way’ which is really hard to pull off and they did spectacularly well considerin the difficulty of such a feat."

"I guess I'm surprised, a pro-Empire guy like yourself willing to dig around in past since it's blatantly illegal," you say.

He snorts. "Look, the first thing any highblood learns is that your ancestor is everythin. Every karmic cycle, how you will fare in quadrants, your over-archin grand destiny, everythin ties back to your ancestor. And then they tell you you ain't supposed to go look them up which is all kinds of hoofbeastshit, so yeah I've done a bit of diggin. It's almost expected to break those laws anyway if you want to be a real highblood so obviously this guy's just an idiot."

An absolutely horrible idea enters your head. "Saaaaay. What if, hypothetically speaking, we decide on challenging this guy to a nice historical FLARP for our next campaign? Maybe even a particular reenactment of a certain major battle in a certain rebellion? I mean, if he's correct, then he should have no problems at all fending off our forces because there were no major rebellions at all, right?"

And Eridan, frowny and perpetually grumpy Eridan, actually grins all his shark teeth at you. "Ar, I like the way you think."

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

AA: l00k ill get back t0 y0u later i have t0 hit a guy with a r0ck

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

AG: >::::/

 

You get back to your hive, giggling from post-adrenaline high and matted with gore. You are probably going to need a shower afterwards, and Eridan's dress is ruined, but neither of you care. You both totally proved that fucker wrong, and he's taking that lesson to the grave, and you might be checking in later to see how he's doing.

You need to have campaigns like this more often. Not that campaigning with Tavros isn't fun. He is fun! Just in a different way, and sometimes a girl just has to go exert dominance over fakey fake histerrorians. To be honest, you were a little wary of Eridan at first, but wow he really does live up to his reputation.

The sun's already starting to rise, and the two of you skitter around random digs-in-progress, using his cape as a convenient sunshield. You crash against your door, still giggling, and fumble for the knob a little before sliding inside. Inside is darker, nicer on your eyes, and you stretch out muscles that are probably going to be sore tomorrow, but it was so worth it.

"Hey AA?"

Oh right Sollux.

 

AA: s0 h0w did it w0rk  
AA: it l00ked like he kept staring at y0ur butt the entire time  
CA: yeah i thought so too  
CA: i do havve a fantastic ass though cant blame him  
AA: yeah f0r a seadweller  
CA: wwhats that supposed to mean  
AA: hey d0nt get upset its just a bi0l0gical fact that landdwwellers have better butts 0kay  
CA: blasphemy  
AA: no bi0l0gy  
AA: l00k y0ur muscles are better suited for swimming  
AA: 0ur muscles are better suited f0r walking and sprinting  
AA: 0f these m0vement gr0ups guess which 0ne inv0lves the gluteus maximus m0re  
AA: hint its n0t the swimming 0ne  
CA: im believvin none of your filthy landdwweller accusations  
AA: l00k y0u can live in y0ur delusi0nal fantasy w0rld all y0u like  
AA: but s0me day y0u will just have to admit that y0ur race has the inferi0r asses  
CA: wwell sol has a negative space of wwhere there should be a butt  
AA: that is because s0llux has let his butt g0 int0 antr0phy because he is t00 ab0ve the mere c0ncept 0f walking t0 places  
AA: speaking 0f s0llux  
AA: i t0ld y0u he has a thing f0r dre22e2 and feminine presentati0n  
AA: y0u definitely have his attention n0w  
CA: noww you are just changin the subject dont think im goin to forget this  
AA: keeping it will be an0ther thing so here is dating s0llux tip the next  
AA: at s0me p0int hes g0ing t0 start antag0nizing you  
AA: if y0u try t0 0ut snark him it just isnt g0ing t0 w0rk 0kay kn0w y0ur battles  
CA: so wwhat do i do then  
AA: at s0me p0int during the conversati0n just start smirking 0r get b0red 0r find s0me way t0 leave disdainfully with0ut letting him really finish  
AA: pisses him 0ff each time  
CA: that sounds like it wwould just piss him off platonically though really  
AA: n0 trust me 0n this s0llux is n0t y0ur average creature 0kay  
AA: the trick here is y0u are f0rcing him t0 aggress  
AA: 0therwise he can just retain his n0rmal al00f apathy  
CA: alright wwell you wwould be the expert here so ill use your advvice  
CA: thanks ar

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CA: wwhile wwearing a FLARPin dress right  
AA: yes while wearing a FLARPing dress

 

"So you are sure this ruin is completely safe? It looks really unstable."

You snort and thump the floor for good measure. Barely shakes at all. "Look I told you, if you want to get the best, non-propaganda historical information, you have to go searching in areas no one else wanted to look in or were quickly covered over, and digging underneath the city hivestems is frowned upon for some reason. These places are a goldmine of information I'm telling you."

"Yeah cuz this place's got perpetual zombies, Ar," he says like that matters any. "No don't roll your eyes at me, there's a reason people don't go traipsin around where there are zombies, and shockin development here, seadwellers ain't exactly immune to cordyceps."

"Well neither am I which is why we have these gas masks in the first place. Look, just follow my lead and try not to rip a hole in your suit. Besides, I've got plenty of fungicide back at my hive in case something does go wrong, so I'm sure this is going to be just fine."

 

TA: look aa ii just thiink that there are other people iin our group you could be flarpiing wiith, you know people a2iide from ampora  
TA: other flarper2  
TA: anyone at all actually  
TA: hell ii would even be wiilliing to giive iit another 2hot iif you 2topped flarpiing wiith hiim  
TA: or even vk would be a better choiice iif you dont want my 2orry glute2 along  
AA: s0llux as much as it might surprise y0u eridan is actually a fantastic flarper  
AA: ive been having a l0t 0f fun actually!  
AA: he is vvery passi0nate ab0ut hist0ry which surprise surprise guess wh0 else is  
TA: aa he probably ju2t want2 iin your metaphoriical pants  
AA: believe me that isnt a thing he is interested in  
TA: do you even have any pant2, ii cant recall you ever wearing pant2  
AA: n0 s0llux i have never 0wned a pair of pants  
TA: oh okay

 

You are both seated in Eridan's special filmblock at his hive complete with grubcorn and various high quality snacks to "discuss tactics".

"I dunno. Horror flicks rarely do it for me Ar and especially not fake documentary type flicks," he says as the movie grub starts loading. This is key for tactic discussion, and given a few minutes you could probably argue that thought to victory.

"No no, just give it a chance, okay? This one is rated quite highly, and it's an occult anthropological film. Also it apparently gets creepier every time you watch it," you say around a mouthful of grubcorn. "I don't remember what it's called, something to do with a large cast of characters and a paraspectiator and found footage and demons from old citycites. I can never remember movie titles anyway. That's Karkat's thing."

"So, wait, you've never even seen it?"

"Nope! It's a trial run. I'm not expecting much, but who knows! This could be fun."

He doesn't take your grin to be reassuring. No one ever takes your grins to be reassuring.

 

CA: oh hey wwhat a coincidence you online this late at day  
AA: what 0h yes  
AA: quite a c0incidence  
AA: did the m0vie creep y0u 0ut t00?  
CA: vvery funny ar noww get the ghosts out of my ablutiontrap  
AA: what theres a gh0st in y0ur abluti0ntrap  
CA: theres a ghost in evvery one of my ablutiontraps ar as you damn wwell knoww  
CA: and there aint a lot of trolls lurkin around my hivve wwho can conjure up evvil spectres at wwill  
CA: i need them out its making it really difficult to do my business  
AA: 0u0

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

CA: AR

 

"Well, you're a lot of fun, and we've kinda been helpin' each other out with our romances and explorin ancient ruins and nearly gettin eaten a bunch of times, and gettin into a romance is pretty much the same as stayin faithful, so-"

"Yes Eridan I would like to date you."

He does that clear-lid blink at you. "Oh. Good. That went better than expected. But, uh, this isn't exactly typical of ashen romance-"

"Then let me propose a hypothetical situation. Considering the incredibly long lifespan of our race, even accounting for the cultural stagnation imposed by highblood lifespan, trends from the lower classes slowly migrate up the hemospectrum to become fads, and vice versa. Quadrants weren't always interpreted the same way, which I have evidence of considering some of the art dating before the adult banishment from Alternia, so it's not that inconceivable at some point in our history, what we are doing right now would be the very definition of ashen romance, don't you see?"

You are very excited about this. You are possibly having a historical romance and are grinning as wide as you can, and apparently it’s infectious since he gives you your second smile so far.

 

"Okay, take a shot every time she don't cite a source," he says, and this is probably the worst idea you two have come up with yet, when there's a knock at your door. You both look at each other, since this is the middle of the countryside and your closest neighbors are stray tumbleweed, before you rise and open it.

Vriska folds her arms at you, chin and horns down aggressively. Sollux is right behind looking like a metaphorical woolbeast and doesn't meet your gaze.

Vriska sweeps past you right inside, stopping right in front of Eridan, and after giving him her most scathing glare says, "I don't think you are a good enough challenge for her."

Silence falls, awkward horrible silence, and then Eridan says, "I think there was a flaw in our plan here Ar."


End file.
